-This article makes me feel less alone. This is a huge fight that I am gearing myself up for the rest of my life - a commitment to raising and educating my children in a more diverse environment than I grew up in. The commitment that E and I have to raise our children with values of hard work and a balanced worldview about money. There are some great public schools that I cannot see myself now letting my child attend. I went to parochial schools and then a private high school. Even going through those schools, I I didn't see the sense of entitlement that we saw from some people we've met from public school backgrounds in some places around here. This article reminds me what really can change a school - parental engagement in the process and individual quality of each instructor teaching my child(ren). Which yes, do not exist yet.
Labels: neurotic, schools
How The Internet Makes My Life Harder, Not Easier
Tips for Jewish Parents of Interfaith Couples: I especially love Number 6: "Remember that it's not your 'fault.' If your child chooses a partner of a different religion, it's not because you didn't give her a strong Jewish identity or because she's rejecting you." This doesn't exactly make me feel better. Luckily, I think E's parents have come around to me, with any luck.
This crazy website insists that only two jewish souls can merge in the ideal of marriage. I can see the worries of religion when it comes to children. But to worry about it in two consenting adults who are adult enough to talk to each other about their issues and beliefs is absurd. This article from the same site argues another point that I have heard before - that my dating E is taking him away from a nice Jewish girl who is his soulmate. Luckily, we've been together long enough that even if there was any true worry of that, it would have dissipated. And trust me - there never was a worry of that!
I want a site with a little more authority to it for my side of the religious divide, but this one at least makes this post a little more balanced. "What parent would not prefer to see a child sick than dead? There is some hope for the life of a man hanging over a precipice and clinging even to a handful of grass, but there is no hope when his brains are dashed out on the rocks beneath. When persons have fully made up their minds to enter mixed marriage, they are so blinded by their passions and preferences that, if the Church should not tolerate their step, many of them would marry out of the Church, and thus commit mortal sin, and in most cases incur excommunication." And that is in the section about Catholics marrying protestants, let alone what I am going to do.
And finally, at least I don't have to worry about this: Killing and selling women as "ghost brides" (Salon.com).
Labels: e, neurotic, nuptial
Other Strange Things Found While Sleeplessly Obsessing
[Does anyone have a cure for the "waking up at 5am disease? My mother has it too, and I remember her washing the floor. I guess I'll just take advantage of my laptop.]
Abstinence Only - It Isn't Just For Kids Anymore!: I cannot figure out how this particular message is even worth funding, since I can't really figure out what vehicle could be used to distribute it. But issues like this that stigmatize people who choose not to marry for whatever reason really disturb me. There are any number of reasons that couples choose not to marry, and to actually promote this message when any number of unmarried couples could provide love and financial support to a family without the bounds of marriage is ridiculous. I sometimes feel like marrying young and having a family young WITHIN the bounds of marriage is even more irresponsible than the path that I and others have chosen.
I have to worry about something like this? Silk versus real flowers? Jeez, I am not looking forward to this.
This is self-explanatory. Something else to worry about - It has been something percolating in the back of my mind throughout my relationship, but I'm glad that other people feel the same way. The worries do not get easier with marriage, do they?
Maps from Kinko's (!) and other interesting ideas - if only I can get E to read the article without him asking what the Globe made up in this one.
[I sat up and E managed to go diagonal. Great]
Labels: e, insomnia, neurotic, nuptial, politics
The Neurotic's Guide to the Pre-Pre-Pre-Nuptial Planning
You can thank Wave for my return. She sent CityCat and I an e-mail this morning that essentially said, "Even though you're not getting married yet, here are the websites I've been reading about to keep me entertained and help me plan my wedding!" Wave clearly underestimates the obsession that will precede my wedding. But, she has (re)started it.
First, the background. E and I have been dating since the Clinton Administration (or, to look at it another way, we finally reached a decent pitching outing a few months ago at "6 and 1/3rd) and have no immediate plans to marry. We expect marriage to be in our future, but I am most certainly not in much of a hurry.
E is Jewish and was raised in the conservative tradition (I hope that is the right phrasing - I clearly need the Jewish Strunk and Whites before I get married) and I am Catholic. I used to say that I "was raised" Catholic, but during a recent visit to a Unitarian Church, I realized that I wasn't just raised Catholic - I really could not give it up no matter what my differences with the Church were. E is the same way - he doesn't go to synagogue or keep kosher, but would never convert. [The faith of our potential offspring is a discussion for another year, so we'll leave that off the table for now. Unsurprisingly, I've spent a lot of time agonizing over it, but it isn't pertinent to the issue at hand.] All of this makes for an interesting mix when we do decide to get married.
Oh yeah, and a casual conversation a few weeks ago might have brought a lot of these issues to the fore. [Kate: Not paying much attention, looking up numbers for work. E: "Oh, my parent's are doing fine, I just talked to them, what do you want to do for dinner, what do you think about round diamonds?" Needless to say, I did not react well, though E did point out that his pre-engagement to do list included law school graduation (check), bar passage (check), and steady job with enough money for financial independence (check). This does not help the neurotic in me not freak out.]
I am writing this post so I can start my list of things that I will research (uh, be neurotic about) before our wedding.
First: That which has already been settled.
1. We will not be having a jewish wedding or a catholic wedding. We want to incorporate traditions from both sides, but our wedding will not be celebrated exclusively by a rabbi or a priest unless something radically changes before then.
2. We have our secular celebrant identified already. We have not officially asked him, but E hasn't officially asked me either, so I think it would be jumping the gun.
3. There will be breaking of a glass at the wedding (non negotiable from his mother).
4. My mother already was upset by that. However, we told her long enough ago that she should hopefully be over it by the time the wedding happens.
5. The wedding will take place in the DC Metro Area, where we live, again, unless something radically changes.
Next: Why I Feel The Need to Put In So Much Research
1. Come on, I'm me. I'm the girl that will spend 10+ hours writing a self-evaluation for work, 3+ hours researching where to eat dinner, and countless hours planning the trip to Alaska, which was primarily planned out for us as a cruise-tour. I even found internet cafes in Talkeetna, a town we weren't even supposed to stop in.
2. I want to use the wedding process to learn (even) more about my Catholic faith and traditions and the Jewish traditions.
3. We once spent 3+ hours reading about how to prepare for Passover, including how to de-chametz your dishwasher.
4. This discussion happened tonight. Kate: "E, what is a ketubah?" E: "Uh, I can't remember. Can you give me the sentence in which it is used?" Kate: "This won't help, as I'm referencing www.ketubah.com." I then figured out what a ketubah was, but then was distracted by Broken Wedding Glass Mezuzah II with Breaking Glass. E: "Well, I guess less of the 'Living a Jewish Life' class at Hebrew School stuck with me than I thought."
Finally: back to what Wave started. Here is a list of what I have found so far.
1. Offbeatbride.com. I may not have the traditional wedding, I may not have a fully off-beat wedding, but my wedding will fall somewhere in between. I was quite entertained reading the site and can't wait to see the book.
2. Lego Cake Topper. I might love it, and E might too.
3. Indie Bride's Intermarriage forums - because where better can the intermarrying neurotic find other neurotics than message boards!
4. The New Jewish Wedding. Probably one of the 50 of so wedding planning books I will at least think about purchasing before I get married.
5. This is self explanatory.
6. This is also special. I have a feeling I will spend some time mocking wedding blogs, and making rules about things I won't obsess about, like my dresses from Thailand.
[Dias of Ascendance? Why can't you just call it an elevator? E points out that an elevator would need an elevator inspector and living in MontCoMD, we can tell you that takes a WHILE. I sympathize with this woman here, and where I may have worked an additional 50 hours so far this year, at least I haven't put in 90 hours into FFXII. Also, Mete of Dynasty? Give me a break!]
Labels: Canadian Family, e, humor, neurotic, nuptial
