The Neurotic's Guide to the Pre-Pre-Pre-Nuptial Planning
You can thank Wave for my return. She sent CityCat and I an e-mail this morning that essentially said, "Even though you're not getting married yet, here are the websites I've been reading about to keep me entertained and help me plan my wedding!" Wave clearly underestimates the obsession that will precede my wedding. But, she has (re)started it.
First, the background. E and I have been dating since the Clinton Administration (or, to look at it another way, we finally reached a decent pitching outing a few months ago at "6 and 1/3rd) and have no immediate plans to marry. We expect marriage to be in our future, but I am most certainly not in much of a hurry.
E is Jewish and was raised in the conservative tradition (I hope that is the right phrasing - I clearly need the Jewish Strunk and Whites before I get married) and I am Catholic. I used to say that I "was raised" Catholic, but during a recent visit to a Unitarian Church, I realized that I wasn't just raised Catholic - I really could not give it up no matter what my differences with the Church were. E is the same way - he doesn't go to synagogue or keep kosher, but would never convert. [The faith of our potential offspring is a discussion for another year, so we'll leave that off the table for now. Unsurprisingly, I've spent a lot of time agonizing over it, but it isn't pertinent to the issue at hand.] All of this makes for an interesting mix when we do decide to get married.
Oh yeah, and a casual conversation a few weeks ago might have brought a lot of these issues to the fore. [Kate: Not paying much attention, looking up numbers for work. E: "Oh, my parent's are doing fine, I just talked to them, what do you want to do for dinner, what do you think about round diamonds?" Needless to say, I did not react well, though E did point out that his pre-engagement to do list included law school graduation (check), bar passage (check), and steady job with enough money for financial independence (check). This does not help the neurotic in me not freak out.]
I am writing this post so I can start my list of things that I will research (uh, be neurotic about) before our wedding.
First: That which has already been settled.
1. We will not be having a jewish wedding or a catholic wedding. We want to incorporate traditions from both sides, but our wedding will not be celebrated exclusively by a rabbi or a priest unless something radically changes before then.
2. We have our secular celebrant identified already. We have not officially asked him, but E hasn't officially asked me either, so I think it would be jumping the gun.
3. There will be breaking of a glass at the wedding (non negotiable from his mother).
4. My mother already was upset by that. However, we told her long enough ago that she should hopefully be over it by the time the wedding happens.
5. The wedding will take place in the DC Metro Area, where we live, again, unless something radically changes.
Next: Why I Feel The Need to Put In So Much Research
1. Come on, I'm me. I'm the girl that will spend 10+ hours writing a self-evaluation for work, 3+ hours researching where to eat dinner, and countless hours planning the trip to Alaska, which was primarily planned out for us as a cruise-tour. I even found internet cafes in Talkeetna, a town we weren't even supposed to stop in.
2. I want to use the wedding process to learn (even) more about my Catholic faith and traditions and the Jewish traditions.
3. We once spent 3+ hours reading about how to prepare for Passover, including how to de-chametz your dishwasher.
4. This discussion happened tonight. Kate: "E, what is a ketubah?" E: "Uh, I can't remember. Can you give me the sentence in which it is used?" Kate: "This won't help, as I'm referencing www.ketubah.com." I then figured out what a ketubah was, but then was distracted by Broken Wedding Glass Mezuzah II with Breaking Glass. E: "Well, I guess less of the 'Living a Jewish Life' class at Hebrew School stuck with me than I thought."
Finally: back to what Wave started. Here is a list of what I have found so far.
1. Offbeatbride.com. I may not have the traditional wedding, I may not have a fully off-beat wedding, but my wedding will fall somewhere in between. I was quite entertained reading the site and can't wait to see the book.
2. Lego Cake Topper. I might love it, and E might too.
3. Indie Bride's Intermarriage forums - because where better can the intermarrying neurotic find other neurotics than message boards!
4. The New Jewish Wedding. Probably one of the 50 of so wedding planning books I will at least think about purchasing before I get married.
5. This is self explanatory.
6. This is also special. I have a feeling I will spend some time mocking wedding blogs, and making rules about things I won't obsess about, like my dresses from Thailand.
[Dias of Ascendance? Why can't you just call it an elevator? E points out that an elevator would need an elevator inspector and living in MontCoMD, we can tell you that takes a WHILE. I sympathize with this woman here, and where I may have worked an additional 50 hours so far this year, at least I haven't put in 90 hours into FFXII. Also, Mete of Dynasty? Give me a break!]
Labels: Canadian Family, e, humor, neurotic, nuptial
The Danger of Watching 24 Before Bed
E and I have become obsessed with 24. This is not that surprising, considering CityCat got me hooked in the middle of season 4 against my will (and I resisted for several months - you can ask fidelsensei) and E only lasted 15 minutes into the pilot before realizing that this is a Netflix rental that he and I both would be watching obsessively.
Such as the first 4 episodes of season 2 last night until 3am.
Until you go to bed and you and Kim Bauer are at the mall. In the middle of a cross between Embassy Row and the Olympic Village - all the different embassies have offices within a contained area.
Since this was a 24 nightmare, it is needless for me to explain that a disaster ensued. And instead of being shoppers, Kim Bauer and I turned into vaguely paramilitary...things. The bulk of the dream involves us running around this Olympic Village type area, trying to convince the people that took over that we were alternately on their side or the other side, depending on the minute. We pushed a lot of stretchers and eventually were sharing passwords with the wife of the chinese ambassador as we tried to get people in and out of a booby-trapped embassy.
Then (as I feel the point comes in each season) Kim Bauer turned into Stupid Kim. You know what I'm talking about? The part in the season where you wonder if the writers are making her annoying on purpose? To be fair, I only have seen 2.7 seasons of 24, but she has made the transition in each one that I've seen. In fact, E and I were over her and taking bets on when she would be first kidnapped 10 minutes into Episode 1 of season 2. In my dream, she started being unpredictable and doing stupid things, and the downside? She/we never got rescued.
In fact, what got me out of the bad situation? The realization I had to fly to Alaska. For the Cruise to Nowhere.
And luckily, she was not coming with us.
So, I booked it over to the Philadelphia airport (yeah, I don't know why either) where my entire family was waiting for me and E to get on the flight. I could barely remember what flight we were on, or what airline, so I was counting on E (or perhaps my mother/father/sibling 1/sibling 2/sibling 3/grandmother/grandfather - since they were ALL THERE) to remember those details. I should have remembered, I was dreaming, and needed another disaster to come and interfere with my sleep.
My father asked me to purchase him a book (since he was all finished with his, since we had been at the airport since before time because E and my grandfather both are soulmates on getting to the airport 12 hours ahead of time) I am not sure why I felt such a compulsion to do this, nor why it was immediately apparent to me that he needed to read the DaVinci Code (since it is a book that I would enjoy, but I am not sure he would) (and it did make sense that my father is the last person on the face of the planet to read the book, since he reads more slowly than anyone that I know, especially with as little time in his life he has devoted to reading). But I dutifully ran into the Walk-Through Borders conveniently located next to my gate, and looked frantically for the mass market paperbook version of the book. Unable to find that, I went to where there were copies of the trade paperback-only to discover that those had been moved or purchased in the last 25 seconds. Horror of horrors - I had to ask for help.
I did find the book and rush over to the gate - of course, to discover that we missed our flight. In fact, it was pulling away from the jetway, and there was I standing stupidly by the desk (and luckily, there was E or else our relationship would have been in serious jeopardy).
Do you know how hard it is to book yourself on a rescheduled flight to Anchorage? How about when the agent really wants to send you to Vancouver? And when your entire family is standing around yelling about it being your fault.
Luckily, it was not the entire family, since we discovered sibling 2 (my favorite) was missing.
In a strange sign of sisterly-solidarity, Sibling 1 and I grabbed hands and ran to the nearest internet cafe. Where I kicked sibling 2 off his computer and began looking up prices and times for flights from Vancouver to Anchorage.
When the computer refused to let me, and instead began projecting a sepia-toned presentation (presumably on Ben Franklin, since we were in Philly) I remembered something.
I was dreaming.
So I woke up, convinced we would miss our flight to Anchorage on the Cruise to Nowhere. I immediately got up and began looking up alternate flight arrangements.
Action Steps (or, to the non-KTDP savvy-things I have learned)
-I will NEVER bring my family to the airport for an almost-international flight.
-I will pay attention to my own flight information.
-I will never go shopping with either Kim Bauer or Elisha Cuthbert since with me around, Keifer does not come to rescue us.
Labels: 24, Canadian Family, TV
"As I was saying, before I nailed myself in the head with that plate..."
This weekend, E and I decided to go up to his parent's house for his little brother's graduation from High School. So, we packed an overnight bag, I loaded myself up with novels, and were on the road about 7:30 Friday night, with an ETA of about 2am. This was much better than our last drive up to New England, where we didn't leave until midnight and I was pre-eet-y drunk. This time, we decided to leave ourselves a little more time. In fact, 7:30 seemed the perfect compromise between E's desire to drive while it is light out and my compulsion to only drive in the dark.
First hangup - accident on the BW parkway. So, we detour to Powder Mill where E insists he knows where he's going better than I do - so instead of getting off at 212, on I-95 -- we ended up backtracking back to the Beltway. Where there was another accident.
Needless to say, it was 9pm before we were north of Baltimore.
Instead of horrible rest stop fast food, we found a Boston Market in Newark (Thank you Jordan, for insisting I learn that "shortcut" through Elkton) and were in Delaware around 10pm.
Where it was MONSOONING.
(E insists it was a Tsunami. I'm not saying he's wrong.)
It continues to pour (as in, many many MANY accidents, hydroplaning, 40MPH flashers on, too bad the windshield wipers SUCK conditions) through New Jersey. We consider the Tappan Zee option, but neither one of us wants to risk a route we don't know in a terrible horrible rain storm. We brave the GW bridge and the cross-bronx in the storm - luckily, there were only about 8 other idiots on the road with us all the way through Connecticuit. (E and I also already have our rest stop rhythm down for the way up - Joyce Kilmer for gas, Fairfield for a stretch, the rest stop on 91 for a bathroom break, etc) It is good that so few cars are on the road because it is STILL monsooning. Absolutely POURING rain. It rains through CT, all the road changes, the Mass Pike, Worcester, and then finally home. Where we RUN into the house to not soak ourselves.
Yes, it is 5am. Joy.
We crawl into bed(s - ok, he crawls into bed and I crawl onto trundle) and I (as usual) read until late and wake up early. Luckily, this case, early was 9ish and we were both up by 10:30ish.
First thing I do in the morning? Manage to offend E's mom over her new coffeemaker.
I? Didn't realize it was a big deal, since E's mom did not say anything at the time. No, she waited until almost all of E's extended family was around to bring up the fact that I insulted her coffeemaker.
(Me: plotting revenge. probably on cruise.)
(Cruise? Whole other story)
Saving grace of new coffeemaker? Means that E's mom has CAFFIENATED coffee in house.
The family has enough fruit and cheese trays to feed an army. An army, that due to the weather, has been reduced to one uncle, one grandmother (I think I'll call her G-Mae) and the five of us.
(E rescues me by insulting his mother over the ice bucket)
Off to graduation we go, in a Zipcar minicooper(! have I mentioned how much I love E's uncles? I'm sure I will as the Cruise to Nowhere approaches). However, due to the weather, the outdoor graduation was scrapped in favor of a ticketed affair in the auditorium. Which, we are short 2 tickets for. I was all for heading over to the restaurant early and pre-gaming, but in the interest of family unity (and the fact that we did not drive ourselves), we camped out for the closed-circuit graduation viewing in the cafeteria. Which would have worked out well, if there was audio.
Ah well. I needed to take the practice ACT anyway.
Plus, that made us miss the 6 (!) student graduation speakers.
Off to a celebratory dinner (where E's mom orders wine, giving me the green light to drink as well) with two uncles, a grandmother, and his brother's girlfriend. Who is adorable, well meaning and very cute. But very....young. VERY young. So young, that I was forced to look back at my childhood and evaluate...nope. Still was NEVER that young.
Entertainment? She ordered the house salad for her dinner entree - telling me that it is clearly a Rite of Passage - first meal with a boyfriends family? Only order the salad and eat only half of it.
(Afterwards, E's mother and I bonded over the fact that we were never that young. Still does not negate earlier coffeemaker incident and the subsequent need for revenge. I'll keep you posted)
Home again, Home again - time to evaluate side trips for the Cruise to Nowhere. We discover that as much as E's father has been pestering us to select our side excursions, the rest of E's family has hardly looked at them. Only one we know for sure? A family-wide trip to the brewery. E's uncles will bike there - we will take the bus.
Sunday morning, we chat and make motions to get on the road. Since driving to Cambridge from MiddleOfNowhere, MA is shorter than driving from DC, we decide to visit Mar/Char (I need a better one, i know) on the way home. Which, mind you, we have done on the previous two trips from MA. I will be so sad as they move to LA, as that will cut them off of our driving loop.
We chat about families, weddings, crime fighting dolphins and the like. I probably committ a faux pas as the first thing I do after hugging Char is to look at the ring, but a girl is allowed to be curious, right?
We then decide to go out for Indian food, since it seemed better than Bertuccis. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of said Indian food (I had a lovely paneer dish, E had a passable vindaloo) and dinner was going quite well until I nailed my head on a plate. Which the waiter was holding. Which I managed to chip. WITH MY FORHEAD.
Yes, sports fans. Eating out can be hazardous to my health. And the sanity of waiters EVERYWHERE.
So, bleeding profusely from my forhead, I leave the restaurant to collect myself. Char comes out to make sure I'm not losing it in Harvard Square, and I'm not sure whether she is happy to see I am laughing hysterically, or wondering why they just CANNOT TAKE ME ANYWHERE.
We pay, bandage myself, and go back to their place for Advil and farewells.
The trip home is much less eventful, but I do have several Action Steps for myself from now on.
1. When E and I do this drive as a family, I want to plan one tourist-y stop on every drive. Possibly by going back to collecting pamphlets and drawing an option out of a hat - when else would we have an opportunity to visit the Mystic Seaport, or the Barnum Family Museum?
2. I love maps so much that upon birth of my children I will give them at atlas. Then, I will highlight the trips we take on said atlas, and when E is not on the car, let the child(ren) plot out alternate routes to take.
3. Devise subtle revenge for coffemaker.
4. And the most important? AVOID RESTAURANTS WITH SQUARE PLATES.
Labels: Canadian Family, humor
