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The Neurotic's Guide to the Pre-Pre-Pre-Nuptial Planning

You can thank Wave for my return. She sent CityCat and I an e-mail this morning that essentially said, "Even though you're not getting married yet, here are the websites I've been reading about to keep me entertained and help me plan my wedding!" Wave clearly underestimates the obsession that will precede my wedding. But, she has (re)started it.

First, the background. E and I have been dating since the Clinton Administration (or, to look at it another way, we finally reached a decent pitching outing a few months ago at "6 and 1/3rd) and have no immediate plans to marry. We expect marriage to be in our future, but I am most certainly not in much of a hurry.

E is Jewish and was raised in the conservative tradition (I hope that is the right phrasing - I clearly need the Jewish Strunk and Whites before I get married) and I am Catholic. I used to say that I "was raised" Catholic, but during a recent visit to a Unitarian Church, I realized that I wasn't just raised Catholic - I really could not give it up no matter what my differences with the Church were. E is the same way - he doesn't go to synagogue or keep kosher, but would never convert. [The faith of our potential offspring is a discussion for another year, so we'll leave that off the table for now. Unsurprisingly, I've spent a lot of time agonizing over it, but it isn't pertinent to the issue at hand.] All of this makes for an interesting mix when we do decide to get married.

Oh yeah, and a casual conversation a few weeks ago might have brought a lot of these issues to the fore. [Kate: Not paying much attention, looking up numbers for work. E: "Oh, my parent's are doing fine, I just talked to them, what do you want to do for dinner, what do you think about round diamonds?" Needless to say, I did not react well, though E did point out that his pre-engagement to do list included law school graduation (check), bar passage (check), and steady job with enough money for financial independence (check). This does not help the neurotic in me not freak out.]

I am writing this post so I can start my list of things that I will research (uh, be neurotic about) before our wedding.

First: That which has already been settled.

1. We will not be having a jewish wedding or a catholic wedding. We want to incorporate traditions from both sides, but our wedding will not be celebrated exclusively by a rabbi or a priest unless something radically changes before then.
2. We have our secular celebrant identified already. We have not officially asked him, but E hasn't officially asked me either, so I think it would be jumping the gun.
3. There will be breaking of a glass at the wedding (non negotiable from his mother).
4. My mother already was upset by that. However, we told her long enough ago that she should hopefully be over it by the time the wedding happens.
5. The wedding will take place in the DC Metro Area, where we live, again, unless something radically changes.

Next: Why I Feel The Need to Put In So Much Research
1. Come on, I'm me. I'm the girl that will spend 10+ hours writing a self-evaluation for work, 3+ hours researching where to eat dinner, and countless hours planning the trip to Alaska, which was primarily planned out for us as a cruise-tour. I even found internet cafes in Talkeetna, a town we weren't even supposed to stop in.
2. I want to use the wedding process to learn (even) more about my Catholic faith and traditions and the Jewish traditions.
3. We once spent 3+ hours reading about how to prepare for Passover, including how to de-chametz your dishwasher.
4. This discussion happened tonight. Kate: "E, what is a ketubah?" E: "Uh, I can't remember. Can you give me the sentence in which it is used?" Kate: "This won't help, as I'm referencing www.ketubah.com." I then figured out what a ketubah was, but then was distracted by Broken Wedding Glass Mezuzah II with Breaking Glass. E: "Well, I guess less of the 'Living a Jewish Life' class at Hebrew School stuck with me than I thought."


Finally: back to what Wave started. Here is a list of what I have found so far.

1. Offbeatbride.com. I may not have the traditional wedding, I may not have a fully off-beat wedding, but my wedding will fall somewhere in between. I was quite entertained reading the site and can't wait to see the book.
2. Lego Cake Topper. I might love it, and E might too.
3. Indie Bride's Intermarriage forums - because where better can the intermarrying neurotic find other neurotics than message boards!
4. The New Jewish Wedding. Probably one of the 50 of so wedding planning books I will at least think about purchasing before I get married.
5. This is self explanatory.
6. This is also special. I have a feeling I will spend some time mocking wedding blogs, and making rules about things I won't obsess about, like my dresses from Thailand.



[Dias of Ascendance? Why can't you just call it an elevator? E points out that an elevator would need an elevator inspector and living in MontCoMD, we can tell you that takes a WHILE. I sympathize with this woman here, and where I may have worked an additional 50 hours so far this year, at least I haven't put in 90 hours into FFXII. Also, Mete of Dynasty? Give me a break!]

Labels: Canadian Family, e, humor, neurotic, nuptial

posted by kate @ 1/27/2007 08:47:00 PM