Dear Crazy Overnight Delivery Companies
I will not name the companies, but if you speak to me on a regular basis, you know who I'm talking about.
To our pickup woman (Shaquita - we know your real name, but we decided you're much more like a Shaquita):
Yes, you were upset before when we started shipping boxes. You would come up every day, see boxes, and then get very upset that you didn't bring your cart. You asked us to call when we had boxes (which we did usually, anyway) but would get upset when you didn't get the message. Which your own company wouldn't pass through to you. So, after being very nice and helping you carry packages downstairs once, after everyone else in the office had refused, I modified our daily pickup. Instead of relying on your own common sense, which says "They tend to have boxes more often than not, perhaps I should bring my cart," I went the formal route and changed our daily pickup to 70 pounds and eight boxes.
We were good for a while, you brought your cart, the delicate balance of peace was kept. Honestly, I should never have to see you, since there is only one desk in my office further from the door. Even when we didn't have boxes, you left your cart outside the door. There was the one day you whined because you had to make two trips, but you know what? I had to spend all damn afternoon packing the damn boxes, so get over it. Everything seemed to be going fine...
Until today.
Now, I know that you don't know the vagaries of our schedule. You don't understand that we slow down at the beginning of the summer, and so for a few weeks, we had no boxes. However, we left the pickup as it was....because it was only about a 2 week break without boxes. Today, I sent out 3 boxes and 2 large packages (that you want the cart for anyway). I spent all afternoon copying, constructing, packing....then when someone opens the door for you, you have no cart. To try to be polite, I tell you that we have boxes, and you should bring your cart in. "Are you serious?" is not the right response to this. Turning and bitching to the nice young man who opened the door is not the right response. Ranting, as you walk down the hall to the service elevator is not the right response. Not just because the Nice Young Man was nicely holding the door open for you, nicely, so that you can get the cart from the elevator. I really don't need to hear you rant some more because you left the cart IN the live elevator, and it has decided to go travelling. Or that now you need to go back downstairs and get it. Please. Get over yourself. We all have jobs, and they all suck. Yours could suck less, if you would listen to me.
The Nice Young Man and I talked about another solution - like giving her a number to call to see if there are boxes. However, that would lead her to NOT come AT ALL if no one picked up that number, and none of us are at our desks 100% of the time. Most of us, even at our desks, don't want to pick up the phone :).
So I have a new solution - since killing you with polite kindness didn't work. How about I just don't answer the door. I walk by your distribution center all the time, and I will continue to rant about how much I hate your company every time I walk past.
Sincerely,
Me
Dear Overnight Delivery Guy:
Can't you just deliver my packages when you're supposed to and save me from dealing with Shaquita?
Sincerely,
Me
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